Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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