i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
