i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
