I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
