Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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