found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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