Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
