Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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