then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
that is very illegal...i love you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
