I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize