I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
