i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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