I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
