i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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