No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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