He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm jealous of your bromance
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
