barbara walters just said penis...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
