Need sex. Gaining weight.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
