Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
