I faked an abortion last night.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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