She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
