my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
