That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
