what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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