Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
