They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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