She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
