She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
