I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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