Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
