No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
