Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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