I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize