weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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