The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize