I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
