I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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