so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
