Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
