Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
