I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
