this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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