Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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