I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
