Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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