I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
