You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's just like the Real World with babies
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
