Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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