i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize