God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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