She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
being pregnant is like rehab
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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