Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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