no, he came in my armpit
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
