I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
