um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just found puke in my bra..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
