I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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