Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
