This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize