I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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