Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
