I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
