just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
handjob tips. give me some.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
