I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
