wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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