he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
