i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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