3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
