i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
