Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
