sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
