We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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