she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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