if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
