fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
