Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
