I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Randomize