no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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